Tinnimentum

My Entertainer is a Show-off

2011-10-05T11:42:00.000+01:00

I've not been here for a while as there has been nothing going on. Nothing, that is, apart from the stuff too dull to report and the stuff so interesting* I'm too shy to tell you about it.

But here I am again with something a little bit dull but interesting enough to give me a decent title.

One of the pieces I have been learning in my piano lessons is "The Entertainer". Last week my teacher asked me to think about the character I want to portray with the piece and consider for example, slow and melancholy or quick and cheeky.

This week my teacher was very impressed. By combining slow and melancholy with quick and cheeky I produced "show-off". "Your Entertainer is a show-off!" my teacher remarked.

So now you know.

* including but not limited to death, disease, war and destruction

Something that makes me happy

2011-06-22T10:49:00.001+01:00

The lady at Temples drew a flower and a smiley face on my sandwich bag. She drew a flower and a smiley face on the next person's sandwich bag too so I know I'm not special but it was still a nice thing to do.

Two things I did last week that I had never done before:

2011-05-17T15:10:00.000+01:00

1) had a ride in an ambulance
2) roasted a chicken

In that order.

And there was just one incident that gave rise to both of these new experiences.

Playing all the RIGHT notes...

2011-04-21T17:44:00.003+01:00

Amusing comments from my piano exam report:

Sight-Reading:
"the notes you played were very different to the printed version"

Set piece A:
"The ending didn't quite go according to plan today"

Scales and Arpeggios:
"rather accident prone in the heat of the moment"

I got lots of positive comments too (if they were all negative I wouldn't have passed) but they're much less interesting.

Peacock Feathers!

2011-04-01T17:27:00.002+01:00

If you want to witness this Edwardian gown* being recreated (including all the relevant undergarments) and at the same time donate some money to help Haitians then go here… in fact, just go anyway because it's all explained much better than I can.

* it has beetle wing cases on it!

Crash Course in HTML

2011-04-01T17:23:00.004+01:00

Blogger is being a pain in the backside because it doesn't want to let me use paragraphs. The last post about my piano exam had paragraphs in it but you'd never know.

So this is a test to see if my crash course in HTML has paid off.

Well Done Me

2011-03-31T10:38:00.000+01:00

In spite of the evil jazz piece's subversive efforts to bring me down from within I passed my grade 2 piano exam. Hooray! I have now gone back to the course I was taking prior to commencing work on the exam and it seems a bit easy. The print in the book is larger than the print on my exam pieces so that probably has something to do with it.

Grade 2

2011-03-25T17:48:00.001+01:00

Do you remember the revelation that was my ability at jazz?

If you go and speak to the ABRSM you may get given a different view as I spent a small amount of time last week embarrassing myself in front of them.

They may suggest that instead of Rococo Jazz I should consider Rococo 19th Century German Folk Songs For Children.

Overworked

2011-02-22T18:06:00.000+01:00

Note to self: Stop and concentrate. That is not your coat.

My Life as an 18th Century Jazz Pianist

2011-02-07T18:52:00.001+01:00

My piano teacher has been happily teaching me how to play and we've been going along quite nicely. She never mentioned anything about taking the exams. At all. Ever. I thought about mentioning it and then decided that if she hadn't brought the subject up then it must be a silly idea.

I eventually talked myself out of this mindset and one day asked my teacher if she thought it would be a good idea for me to take the exams.

Her eyes lit up and she got very enthusiastic about it. The upshot is I will be sitting my grade 2 exam in March. I have been practicing my set pieces and last week the jazz piece I chose for Section C clicked into place. My teacher was amazed! She remarked "You're really good at jazz!" and then went on to tell me that it's my niche. Part of me thinks that it came across as much better than it actually was as I played it after a dismal attempt at sight-reading and if I had just fallen onto the keys it would have probably been impressive in comparison. Either way, it seems that I'm destined to be playing jazz (but of course I will still be playing Beethoven's piano sonatas at the Royal Albert Hall (and Chopin at the Barbican for my Mum) at some point).

So if I'm going to become a famous jazz pianist, I'll need to wear a nice outfit and my latest concoction is a late 18th century ensemble.

Perhaps I'll invent a new music genre "Rococo Jazz".

Adventures in the Tea Kitchen (pt VI)

2011-01-20T10:56:00.000+01:00

"Is it like decaffeinated milk?"

White Christmas

2010-12-20T14:16:00.000+01:00

There is a vague chance I'll be spending Christmas day on my own. The plan was to drive to Dad's on 23rd, stay overnight and then drive to Mum's on 24th. Stay there for a bit and then drive back to the London area on 28th.

Since Dad's and Mum's are far away places, the snow things have meant that this plan of action has now become implausible.

I think the likely outcome of events is that I go to my sister's and spend Christmas with her. That is if the doors of the trains don't freeze shut* - otherwise I might end up spending Christmas day in a train carriage.

Who knows what will happen?

I think the weather is very silly.

* it's OK - there is a man with some anti-freeze and a mallet

Domesticity

2010-12-14T13:29:00.002+01:00

I went to a party the weekend before last at which the hostess made her own biscuits and decorated them (in some cases amusingly) with icing. I was inspired. I found a recipe for biscuits and in between Christmas shopping and meeting someone with a cardigan identical to my own I became awfully domesticated and made my own biscuits.

I managed to do this without a mixing bowl or a rolling pin or a sieve or a cooling rack. All it took was a bit of improvisation (and in the case of my improvised sieve a lot of time) with the objects I already had.

For a mixing bowl I used a casserole dish. For a rolling pin I used a cardboard tube from the inside of a roll of tin foil. For a sieve I used… a tea infuser (yes, as I said it took a lot of time) and for a cooling rack I used the grill from my grill pan.

The biscuits (orange and chocolate) did not turn out ghastly to the extent that I would be perfectly at ease should someone other than me eat them and so I intend to give them to family at Christmas.

I had a test run of icing them. There were some non-orange and chocolate ones (which were my test batch and which did turn out ghastly and so I will have to eat them myself) and some orange and chocolate ones which were slightly overdone (and therefore also ghastly) and you will be able to see from the photograph that two of them had accidents (one more horrific than the other).

I have a dilemma, however. How do I allow the icing to set without the biscuits going soft?

I told my Mum I had been making biscuits expecting her to be quite impressed at my domesticity but instead she just asked me if I were bored.

Complimentary Wet Patch*

2010-11-25T17:20:00.000+01:00

I came home yesterday evening to find a big pool of water on my kitchen floor which was most uncalled for.

After some time spent in sheer perplexity I discovered that the cause of the dampness was situated above the kitchen and on further investigation found the water to have come from the airing cupboard.

After a worried telephone call to British Gas and a worried telephone call to my mother I began clearing up the mess in my kitchen.

It struck me that given there had been water coming through my ceiling it was actually very considerate water which once in the kitchen only landed on things that were waterproof. And I don't mean it happened to fall on waterproof surfaces - I mean it steered away from damageable things and actively sought out things it couldn't harm. I had water in odd places. It even managed to circumvent a loaf of bread.

In other things-going-horribly-wrong-that-turn-out-to-be-not-as-bad-as-expected news, my mp3 player has not died a horrible death at all! Its battery has died a horrible death and a new battery is a lot cheaper than a new mp3 player.

* in hindsight, this is probably not an appropriate phrase to use in polite company over breakfast in a hotel

This Week

2010-11-02T17:49:00.000+01:00

There are a few things that have crossed my mind recently that I would like to share with you in one post:

1) E-mails will really come into their own when you can send cake as an attachment.
2) According to two random men in Chelmsford, one of which may have been drinking alcohol, this year I have nice/good legs.
3) I have learnt how to push my alarm clock's snooze button in my sleep.

Odd One Out

2010-10-05T17:50:00.002+01:00

My Green Things (Soon to be Red) are still not red and now it is autumn. I consulted my parents both of which suggested I harvest them and keep them indoors while they turn red instead of letting them fall victim to the cold.

I harvested the big ones (and the ones that had already fallen off) and took a photograph of them. One of them is co-operating. Can you guess which one it is?

My Life With Green Fingers

2010-08-18T17:48:00.005+01:00

In May I planted some seeds. I was going to do a whole series of blog posts about the event but camera issues (I can't remember what they were, now) meant that I missed the window for the first post and so I didn't bother to carry on. This means that you have missed out on such fascinating topics as:

Pots of soil
Shoots
Traumatic Exposure to the Outside
Superfluous Tomato Plants
Huge Monster Caterpillar vs The Sunflowers
Windiness
Bamboo
Wiggly Sunflowers
Withered Ends
Tomato Plants' Attempts at Cheering Me Up
Poking Courgettes with Cotton Buds
Stop Growing Upwards and Start Growing Outwards
Green Things (Soon to be Red)
The First Harvest

Luckily, I can alleviate some of the disappointment you must be feeling by bringing to you:

Wiggly Sunflowers:

Green Things (Soon to be Red):

and The First Harvest:

Too Little Sleep

2010-08-16T17:35:00.002+01:00

As well as being on your list of people unlikely to go on a horse trek in the mountains, I wouldn't be surprised if I was on your list of people unlikely to go camping… at a festival. Once again, I can astound you with the truth:

I went camping… at a festival… voluntarily.

This is what the petticoats were leading up to. If you're wondering what sort of festival requires 1950s style ruffled net petticoats, it's this one.

I was rather fortunate to be able to restrict the downside of camping to 'cold', 'muddy' and 'not enough sleep' due to choosing the "glamping" option which included tea, biscuits, bacon sandwiches and toilets that wouldn't look out of place in a restaurant (apart from, maybe, the mud that ended up all over the floor).

The festivaling included such things as:

1) a 1940s style nightclub with brass band, burlesque and dance performances and such like and also with tea dances and dance classes and restaurant and a slightly annoying long queue
2) a mini Chap Olympiad which I was most chuffed to see having missed the actual Chap Olympiad due to Grandmotherly celebratory issues
3) music provided by The Faces, The Puppini Sisters, Wanda Jackson, Sandy Shaw and others that I'm too tired to remember at the moment
4) shops selling "vintage"* items one of which was a 1950s evening gown made for Princess Margaret and was, needless to say, out of my price range (I am intending to re-create it just as soon as I have several years free to do all the beading work)
5) Fortnum and Mason where you could go and have afternoon tea
6) a cinema showing old films
7) vintage cars and motor cycles
8) a rock 'n' roll tent
9) a curry house
10) a roller disco
11) a fairground
12) a 1980s rave
13) a beach barbeque
14) John Lewis (yes, John Lewis)
15) poncho making (which, regrettably, I missed) along with other fashion workshops
16) fashion shows
17) Butlin's
18) champagne
19) a 1940s allotment
20) a vintage bus to provide transport from the station to the site and vice versa
21) arty things
22) and other stuff (you may be able to tell that my tiredness is beginning to interfere with my memory of the weekend)

* when I first came across the word "vintage" to describe clothes, it was in Top Shop and I couldn't help noticing that it was used to describe unattractive used 1980s clothes so I concluded that "vintage clothes" was a pretentious way of saying "ugly second hand clothes that nobody wants" and now I'm really having trouble getting over that

Regrets

2010-07-14T12:05:00.001+01:00

When I turned 30 someone, bizarrely, asked me if I had any regrets. I told him I didn't.

Today I have my first regret. I regret agreeing to make gathered net petticoats for my friends. Mainly because I asked for measurements back in April and it has taken until July to get them all. I now have one month to make the petticoats*.

I will never do that again without a very long list of caveats.

I am miffed.

* I agreed to make four petticoats. I had my first set of measurements given to me at the end of June and two more sets of measurements given to me in the past week. The remaining person hasn't contacted me at all so she won't be getting a petticoat.

Things to do outdoors

2010-07-08T17:19:00.000+01:00

We haven't had rain for quite a few days now so if you want to take advantage of the good weather and spend some time outdoors but don't know what to do, why not try a spot of fox tossing?

Why...

2010-07-07T10:12:00.001+01:00

... do I get spam comments? It's not as though anyone is going to read them. I don't even post posts very often.

This never happened with Haloscan... .

The Stress of Having Hobbies

2010-04-19T15:56:00.001+01:00

I have been roped in to making four, yes, four, petticoats to go under voluminous 1950s style skirts. This is on top of all the other things on my great long list of things I want to make (including, but not limited to, some 18th century style items, an evening dress, a 1940s style dress, a hat, a snoooood and a 1920s style headdress).

I'm also getting quite far behind in my piano lessons so I don't think I'll be making my proms debut at the Royal Albert Hall this year (I had a bad cold so I missed a lesson and then my teacher went to Virginia to get married and while she's due back on Wednesday, I suspect she's been intending to get on an aeroplane rather than swim the Atlantic so goodness knows when she'll turn up back on English soil).

So, on top of all this sewing and piano catching uping I am trying to maintain a social life and I am going through one of my urges to read all the unread books on my shelf… all at once.

And the warmer weather is making me feel like going back to my tango classes.

Having all this fun stuff to do is so stressful!

Life

2010-03-03T15:40:00.002+01:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about life. I don't know why. Maybe it's something to do with the weather or the fact that I haven't a clue where my life is heading.

And then it got me thinking about societal expectations which then brought me back around to the meaning of life. And then to wanting to be a mad old woman who runs around shopping centres in 18th century dresses.

So, what's that life thing all about? I realise this isn't a new question and, religion aside, can be summarised for most people as:

You are born, you work in insurance, you drink tea, you have babies and then you die.

For me, it's more like:

You are born, you work in insurance, you drink tea, you run around shopping centres in 18th century dresses and then you die.

I've for many years accepted that there is no meaning to life but recently I spent two days feeling slightly worried about how there is nothing I can possibly do that will have any meaning. And then I got over it, bought some more fabric and practiced some piano scales.

So after thinking about my meaningless dressmaking and my meaningless piano playing and my meaningless tango dancing, I got to thinking about my meaningless career in insurance and the thought of doing this until I'm in my sixties filled me with despair what with it being meaningless and all that. I wondered how my colleagues dealt with it. Then I realised that my colleagues (along with the rest of society) probably place a lot of importance on having babies.

So there you have it: life is meaningless unless you have babies. Then your meaningless life becomes irrelevant as your focus shifts from the importance of the self to the importance of the baby. Which may be one of the reasons why society expects us all to have babies regardless of whether we actually want them or not*. It helps to prevent us all from drowning in despair at the thought of another thirty years in the insurance industry.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not about to go and get myself up the duff in order to avoid a meaningless life. There are three very good reasons why I'm not going to do this:

1) while I find pregnancy fascinating, I have no desire to actually experience it
2) I don't like babies (there's an advert for Evian at the moment which involves roller-skating babies and freaks me out a little)
3) I would have to go through the palaver of finding a potential father

So, instead of babies, I'm going to grow old and run around shopping centres in 18th century dresses. And my job, although meaningless, can be quite pleasurable when watching the cogs inside a brokers head turn as I try to explain the methodology behind loss development factors.

* as well as the whole that's-what-all-women-want-to-do thing which is a separate issue and could be discussed with the whole all-women-want-chocolate-bars-with-as-few-calories-as-possible thing

Piano Plans

2010-02-10T16:45:00.001+01:00

There are some Beethoven piano sonatas that I would like to be able to play on the piano so I obtained the relevant sheet music so I can have it sitting on my shelf as a form of encouragement to make sure I'm motivated to practice a lot.

I made the mistake of actually looking at it and I had to hide under the bed until my eyes stopped watering.

I think I will need a few more lessons. And a few more fingers.

(Also, Haloscan is dying so I have had to remove the comments. They are quite safe but I have enabled Blogger comments now)

Plink Plink Plonk

2010-01-29T10:13:00.000+01:00

I've had three piano lessons now and I have to say that my teacher is rather pleased with me and so I'm rather pleased with myself. My teacher even went so far as to say "that's amazing" when she saw how strong my left hand is (as a result of an old war wound I had to spend some time a few years ago doing things with my left hand instead of my right and as a result, my left hand is surprisingly strong but not noticeably so until faced with a piano).

According to my teacher, I'm picking things up really quickly but I'm finding the whole reading music thing a bit tricky. It can be quite annoying when I'm trying to play a piece but have to keep pausing while I count the lines… and then try to figure out to which key the note corresponds… and to which finger the key corresponds.

On the whole I have got off to a good start. My teacher is lovely, I'm not a complete disaster and I get to visit Bloomsbury.

Promises

2010-01-11T17:13:00.001+01:00

Most of the time, the thing to get you through an exam is studying until you can study no more and then studying some more.

Most of the time, the thing to get you from not being able to study any more to doing some more studying is the promise to yourself that if you pass the exam you will do [insert something you'd really like to do].

I promised myself that if I passed, I would take piano lessons. The thing is, now I'm at the stage where I have deliver, I'm feeling a little bit scared. I managed to overcome the being a-little-bit-scared enough to actually send an e-mail to a prospective teacher. She replied and I'm going to attend a trial lesson. Now I'm a lot scared.

However, I must remember the Plan Of Ultimate Awesomeness. I'll never become a concert pianist unless I learn how to play the piano.

The Party Season Part 3: Burning the Candle at Both Ends

2009-12-15T14:45:00.003+01:00

… and somehow also in the middle

Not enough sleep + not enough sleep + a normal night's sleep + not enough sleep + 13 hours' sleep + ice-shuffling
= a very very very bad cold
= missed social events*
= a very annoyed Lucky

I did not allow for this contingency!

On top of that, I'm now very much behind in my Christmas plans and panic is starting to set in.

* in particular, the circle of loveliness

The Party Season Part 2: How to have fun at a party you're not particularly looking forward to

2009-12-09T13:52:00.001+01:00

Let's suppose you are going to go to a party hosted by your company and that you work in insurance. Let's also suppose you still haven't recovered from the excesses of the weekend and you want to do nothing that doesn't involve sleeping. Let's also suppose that you can't really be bothered to explain for the billionth time why you're not drinking wine with your meal. Let's also suppose that there're only two people you'll be sitting with at dinner who you think you can have a decent conversation with and one of those has had to cancel at the last minute due to a family emergency.

This is how to have fun:

1) have an amusing anecdote to break the ice
2) wear a flamboyant red dress you have made yourself (which impresses designers)
3) turn up only to find there is no-one there you recognise
4) make small talk with a man who seems also to be on his own
5) after realising that this man has never heard of your company's head office, a speech is made by a strange American man, the meal begins early and it's a buffet affair instead of a sit down meal with allocated table numbers, go and ask a member of the venue staff where you are
6) collect your coat and bag from the cloakroom and go next door
7) you now have an amusing anecdote
8) you will then be accosted by your divisional managing director and head of the company to whom you can tell your amusing anecdote (you will feel silly enough about your mistake to tell your anecdote with humour and cheer but not silly enough to feel hideously embarrassed by it)
9) find out that the people at your table you thought you couldn't have a decent conversation with are actually people you CAN have a decent conversation with, you have just never had cause to
10) very nearly almost but not quite win a £5,000 holiday voucher whilst simultaneously showing off your flamboyant red dress to approximately 250 people
11) get many many compliments on your flamboyant red dress and how elegant you look
12) get even more compliments on your ability on the dance floor
13) hug lots of people
14) find a likeminded individual who is also into sewing
15) go home in a taxi all the way from central London to Chelmsford
16) have a bit of a kip
17) go ice-shuffling

The Party Season Part 1: Some Very Nice Chaps and Some Impressiveness

2009-12-07T16:38:00.001+01:00

A very nice chap gave me a nutmeg.

Another very nice chap asked me to follow his "random crap" on Twitter.

Another very nice chap admitted to me that he had enjoyed watching my bottom as I danced.

Another very nice chap suggested green velvet with black trimmings for the next dress I make.

A very nice chapette was impressed by my dress and asked where I got it. She was even more impressed when I told her I had made it. I was impressed that she was impressed with my handiwork when I found out she was a dress designer. It was all really rather impressive. (I suspect that she didn't realise I hadn't designed it myself and had in fact made it from a purchased pattern labelled "EASY" but I didn't have the chance to make sure she understood which is a good thing because that wouldn't have been as impressive.)

New Look

2009-12-04T13:15:00.001+01:00

I dyed my hair blue. At the top. But only slightly. Under certain lights.

Let the Ice-Shuffling Commence

2009-11-19T18:06:00.001+01:00

I can't believe I'm being made to go ice-skating…
the morning after the company Christmas party…
when I'm supposed to be at work.

Me colleague accidentally bought three tickets for ice-skating at Somerset House for the wrong time and the wrong day and since then he has kept asking me if I want them. I always refuse because I don't want them. I'm not keen on going ice-skating so why would I want to do it the morning after the Christmas Party when I'm supposed to be at work?

Finally, me colleague stopped pestering me and offered the tickets to my friend so she could take me and someone else along with her. My friend (who incidentally takes ice-skating lessons) enthusiastically agreed and refuses to listen to any of my excuses on the grounds that I have run up a mountainside on a horse.

So I am to spend the morning of the 9th December ice-shuffling.

I think they had a bet on

2009-11-13T14:57:00.001+01:00

Close to where I work is a sandwich bar called Temples. It's a good sandwich bar as they don't skimp on fillings and are quite inexpensive. It is also possible to buy a sandwich that isn't saturated in mayonnaise. I go there often.

One of the things they do is a toasted panini with chicken, pesto and sun-dried tomatoes in it which is my favourite thing from Temples. I like it so much that I probably get one each week. Temples is also the place at which I buy toast in the mornings. I am such a regular there that the staff at the hot food counter are surprised if I order something different.

Today I went in and succumbed to the desire for a chicken panini. Normally, after ordering something toasted you have to wait for a bit for the toasting to take place. Not today. A matter of seconds after arriving at the hot food counter I was given, not a toasted chicken panini but two toasted chicken paninis.

I was a little puzzled and at my apparent bewilderment all the staff behind the counter smiled and said they were giving me an extra one for free.

I am the chicken panini woman.

2009-11-09T12:46:00.002+01:00

I think there's something wrong with the world when you can just walk into a craft shop and buy multicoloured lollipop sticks but you can't buy crepe paper.

Clip clop

2009-11-06T18:20:00.002+01:00

So, a while back (it seems like years ago) I went on holiday to a small village in the Alpujarras mountains where I had some lessons in Flamenco dancing. My friends and I had five three hour lessons (one on each of five days) and on another day we went on a day long horse trek in the mountains.

Yes, that's right. I spent a day on a horse trek in the mountains.

Yes, me. I did it. On a horse. In the mountains.

You would be forgiven for thinking that of all the people you know, I am one of the ones least likely to go on a horse trek in the mountains.

I classify horse riding as a "sport" and therefore not something I'd like to do. I had a go of it when I was little but hadn't been sat on a horse* since I was nine and do you know what? The whole horse trekking incident wasn't horrible. And despite it being a "sport", I can really understand why people find it enjoyable. So it got me thinking about where my dislike for "sport" came from. And I have come up with these:

1) not being any good at it
2) being afraid of hurting myself
3) being afraid of the consequences of hurting myself

Which, now I'm a bit older, seem dafter than they used to. For example, not being any good at it is irrelevant when you're not in a classroom** situation. The consequences of hurting myself are considerably reduced by absence of a mother to tell me off. And as for actually hurting myself, well, sometimes things hurt anyway and after a while they stop hurting and it's as if nothing ever happened.

So now the only thing stopping me from not disliking "sport" is the fact that I am not fit.

In fact, I've nearly been convinced to go on a skiing holiday.

* That particular horse has since died and is now my guardian angel.
** or rather "sports hall"

New Fashion

2009-11-06T18:19:00.000+01:00

This morning, on my way to work, I saw a woman wearing odd shoes. One was red and one was silver.

Give Chocolate to Lucky Week

2009-10-21T16:11:00.000+01:00

On Monday (that's the day before yesterday) I got into work after my week away in Southern Spain to find that me colleague, who has now himself gone away on holiday for two weeks, felt a bit bad about going away when there's lots of work to be done and left me a box of "Celebrations" to ease the pain.

On Wednesday (that's today), one of our brokers was so grateful for some work I had been doing for him (which wasn't all that difficult when you've been using Excel daily for 11 years) that he sent 'round a big box of chocolates for me.

Clearly, while I have been away, this week has been declared "Give Chocolate to Lucky Week". I am looking forward to receiving more donations.

Things that make me go eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2009-10-08T17:36:00.000+01:00

1) being free from the prison of study
2) finding the exact shade and type of chiffon I want
3) going on holiday to Spain (tomorrow!) to learn how to flamenco dance
4) learning that the chap who sits opposite me is actually younger than me
5) my friend's new hairstyle and colour
6) making a new friend
7) amusing passport stories

My Secret

2009-09-04T13:41:00.000+01:00

I was going to keep it a secret. You know how you decide to sit an exam but don't want to tell anybody because they all wish you luck and want to know the end result and you feel really silly when you have to tell them you've failed again? Well, I was not going to tell anybody about the exam I will soon be sitting but I told my Mum and sister and they promised not to say anything about it. So that was fine.

As the exam date draws closer I'm finding it increasingly difficult to keep it from other people. When they invite me to things I have to refuse them on the grounds that I am studying. When people ask me why I'm depressed I have to say it's because I am studying a lot. When people ask me what I'm doing at the weekend I have to tell them I am studying. When colleagues want to arrange a work meeting with me on a day I am to take study leave I have to tell them I'm taking study leave.

So there we have it. I might as well come out with it and announce it on the internet for all the internet using people to see*. I'm going to be sitting an exam in October and have been spending every spare moment since the beginning of August studying. I'm fed up with it but I really want to pass this time so I have to keep going until 1pm on 5th October. This weekend I will be studying. Next weekend I will be studying. The weekend after that I won't be studying as I have to go away but the weekend after that and the weekend after that I will be studying.

* if you are my aunt then this is a completely different exam to any of the ones your sister told you I'd passed

Slightly odd things...

2009-08-12T14:18:00.002+01:00

... that have happened to me this week:

Being told I'm beautiful on two separate occasions by two strangers on the street.

Being invited out to go for steak in Farringdon at 10:30pm by a man old enough to be my father (and short enough and circular enough to be considered short and circular).

Seeing two hedgehogs on two separate occasions, one of which was playing 'Chicken' with the cars in the road (this isn't all that odd except in the six years I've been living in Chelmsford the only other hedgehog I've seen was this one (presumably also of the 'Chicken' playing variety)).

Seeing one of our brokers being hit with French sticks by three small children on national television.

Really enjoying studying.

Footwear

2009-08-05T17:40:00.000+01:00

I'm rather pleased with myself on the learning-to-wear-shoes front. I have even managed to take part in my tango classes in shoes.

I still haven't solved the problem of people thinking I'm weird because I wear boots on hot days, however, as the weather is so loony it's impossible to determine in the morning what type of footwear is going to be suitable in the afternoon. Needless to say I have spent much of the Summer so far in inappropriate footwear.

Cyclists

2009-08-05T17:39:00.000+01:00

It's annoying when you've been waiting patiently at a pedestrian crossing and finally the man turns to green and you start crossing the road when suddenly a cyclist whizzes around the corner, nearly runs you over and shouts out "Sorry!"

It's even more annoying when just seconds later, just as you're two paces away from the safety of the opposite kerb another cyclist suddenly whizzes around the corner, nearly runs you over and shouts out angrily "Look where you're going!"

It's amusing when just seconds later, when you're safely on the pavement, a police car with sirens wailing and lights flashing whizzes around the corner in hot pursuit of the cyclists.

It's like Christmas

2009-07-10T13:49:00.002+01:00

This week I have received a lot of things I wasn't expecting:

1)* A pencil
2)* A mug
3)* An umbrella**
4)*** A panda****
5)*** A fan
6)*** Some tea

* My company has rebranded itself with a new logo and we all received things with the new logo on it.
** I have a folding one because I am a girl. The boys got big golfing ones.
*** I was expecting these this week but I was meant to receive them two weeks ago when I wasn't expecting them.
**** Not a real panda - a very soft small toy one.

Things that make me happy

2009-07-03T16:55:00.002+01:00

There is something quite nice about sitting in Leicester Square next to a man playing the piano and singing along to "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" on a warm Summer's evening (especially the bit that goes "ba da ba da ba da ba ba ba...").

2009-07-03T16:53:00.000+01:00

"unprompted" and "prompted"!

SHOES! Pt. III

2009-07-03T16:47:00.001+01:00

I had to go back to my shoe wearing lessons. I have managed to wear shoes three days this week which I think is pretty good going. I have had five unprovoked* and two provoked* compliments on my taste in shoes. On one of my days off I had the "How can you wear boots in this heat?" question.

* "unprovoked" and "provoked" aren't quite the right words but I can't think of the ones I want so they will have to do.

Case of Mistaken Identity

2009-06-01T16:21:00.000+01:00

Last week my tango teachers held a milonga with a short beginners' class beforehand and since a few people I know are interested in the tango thing I took some of them along. I recognised a few people who were there from my classes and one of these people who was at one of my beginners' classes recognised me and invited me to dance. I accepted.

I had the slight misfortune to have been mistaken for someone else: someone who had been dancing tango since the 1990s. Despite my protestations to the contrary and my inability to understand what steps my partner was leading me into, he continued to fling me around like a loon. I told him repeatedly that I only started learning tango this year so please be easy on me and eventually he stopped flinging me around and asked me my name. "Lucky" I replied. "Oh, Lucky!" he said "of course" and proceeded to fling me around some more. Then he asked me if I remembered someone-or-other at The Dome. I have never been to The Dome. I told him this. Eventually, as the music finished, he came to the conclusion that there must be two Luckys and he allowed me to stagger away out of breath.

It was not that enjoyable.

Inner Hippy

2009-05-18T15:06:00.001+01:00

It would appear I have turned into a bit of a hippy. I have developed a liking for big floaty floral dresses and want to spend the Summer sitting in fields making daisy chains.

I'm going to have to get some more Simon and Garfunkel

I have also learnt that it pays to be stupid. I would tell you why but it's a very boring story about an electricity meter and bills.

Today's music in my head: "The Sound of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel

Skip Skip Skip

2009-05-13T16:00:00.001+01:00

I am very tired today. There was a surplus of women at my Tango class last night which meant I sometimes had to pair up with other women. Since we can't both follow at the same time I had to do a fair bit of leading and now my arms ache (I'm really not built for leading), however, the teacher saw me and was very impressed with my perfect leading of a cross step*.

In work news, we recently employed a new member of staff who managed to antagonise everyone he spoke to and then left to go and work elsewhere. At our team meeting today my boss asked how I felt about him having gone. I was very diplomatic and said that if he was antagonising everyone then it's probably for the best. What I was actually thinking was that ever since he left my life has become beautiful and carefree and if I ever see him again it will be too soon (unless I can throw a drink over his head).

Today's music in my head: "Sick Muse" by Metric

* step, step, step, prepare, outside, turn, together, forward (for followers: step, step, step, step, step, whee, thonk, backwards)

This is my plan:

2009-04-01T17:03:00.001+01:00

Pay off my mortgage.
Leave my job.
Become a concert pianist and water colour artist and dressmaker and ballroom-and-Latin-and-Flamenco dancer.

In other news:
There can't be many people who use the word "simultaneously" in text messages*. I am one of them.

I saw two ducks in the dark the day before yesterday and I don't think I've ever done that before.

Someone, on finding out I've started tango classes, suggested I would be good at it because I look tragic. Someone else agreed.

The problem with digital photographs is that they rely on modern technology.

* or at least those who don't use predictive text - I don't know much about that

Miffed

2009-03-19T13:12:00.001+01:00

I have been feeling the physical effects of stress lately and so I decided last night to go back to carrying out relaxation and stress busting activities. Like inhaling lavender and meditating and listening to Beethoven and thinking about flowers. That kind of thing.

All my efforts were undone this morning firstly by my train being delayed due to "signal failure" and then by an evil pigeon from hell (I'm assuming it was a pigeon; the man in the dry cleaners' eyes widened as he saw the size of the stain so it certainly wasn't a wren.). And looking at the dispersion of pigeon evil my mind boggles at the ability of demonic pigeons to carry out malicious deeds in a curvilinear fashion.

I am very cross.

Snow

2009-02-13T13:10:00.001+01:00

I hate it and I love it. I'll be the first to complain when it's snowing. It's cold, it's wet, it's slippery and it's cold and wet. And slippery. And cold.

It's also fascinating. Last night as I was walking home I stopped at the traffic lights at a wide crossroads and the air was very still. The snow was coming straight down. No floaty, swirly goings on, all flakes were travelling in a straight line and it looked very much like they were going in slow motion. All of them. And there were a lot.

When I got home, I looked out of my window and could see the f1akes coming down in the light of the street light. By now there was some floaty swirly goings on and it reminded me of shoals* of fish.

I also like when it's night time and the snow has only just settled and it sparkles like diamonds in the street lights.

And I remember that time when I was at school and it started snowing during a fire drill. The flakes were so big you could easily make out the six sided structure and indeed, of the ones I was able to look at before they melted, no two were the same.

Of course, the downside to all of this is that it's cold, wet and slippery.

* or possibly schools of fish, I don't know the difference and am not yet curious enough to look it up.

Free Food

2008-11-17T17:46:00.001+01:00

Nobody's* eating my doughnuts! Honestly, I can't seem to give food away!

* well, some people are but not as many as I would have liked

SHOES! Pt. II

2008-10-20T12:45:00.003+01:00

I have been studying the art of wearing shoes. Luckily for me, the Summer was so bad that I was able to get away with wearing boots for 99% of it.

In a couple of weeks I will be giving my red and white dress another airing but the style and colour calls for red shoes. Not black boots. Red shoes.

So I have been practising wearing some red shoes. I have more gel in them than I can shake a stick at. They're not mad red shoes. They're not stilettos or anything. The heel is reasonably high but not completely outside normality. I have encountered some problems:

1) How does one keep ones feet warm?
2) How does one make the shoes less painful to wear?

I do have a theory that feet are meant to be cold in shoes as this numbs the pain. Any confirmation of this would be appreciated.

Something in the Water

2008-09-11T14:40:00.001+01:00

I know an awful lot of pregnant people at the moment.*

* admittedly two of them are men but that still counts

Gas

2008-09-03T14:57:00.002+01:00

I suppose you're all wondering how I got on with Br#t#sh G#s this year. No? Well I'm going to tell you anyway.

This year has again been a bit of a faff on, only this time it's in an amusing type way and not in an I-want-to-hit-people type way.

By sheer coincidence, between receiving the letter and actually making the appointment my boiler decided to start dripping water out of itself so I determined to make sure I pointed this out to the engineer if he turned up (I'm sure he would have noticed anyway but pointing it out at the start shows that I care enough about the workings of my boiler to notice).

Much to my surprise an engineer turned up not only within the allotted time slot but early within the allotted time slot. I pointed out the slight drip to him and on inspection he concluded that my thing* connecting one part of the boiler to another part of the boiler had corroded. In order to replace the thing the whole system would need to be drained which would take about two hours. He ordered me a new thing and arranged a new appointment.

Now sometimes, as I discovered last year, things don't go the way as planned and for whatever reason an engineer is unable to keep his appointment. This used to be communicated to the customer by telephone through someone who doesn't care that the customer has to take time off work to hang around waiting for people to turn up and doesn't realise the customer may need permission from someone to take more time off work. These days it appears the customer gets to speak to the engineer himself face to face. That's right, the engineer turned up to tell me that he was unable to turn up! As it happened, his van failed its MOT the day before and he was unable to use it for work so he popped by en route to the garage to let me know he would be another hour or two.

So he came back later, drained the system, did something in the airing cupboard, did something else in the loft and eventually came to find me in the living room to break the news. He had removed the corroded thing but unfortunately the screws holding the thing in place had corroded into my heat exchanger. This meant the only way he could install the thing was to install it into a different heat exchanger and install that into my boiler.

So I made another appointment and the engineer ordered me a new heat exchanger and several other new bits just in case. He then left apologising profusely and thanking me for being so nice about everything.

At my new appointment everything went to plan. My radiators now need some serious bleeding and I need to re-set my timer clock but that shouldn't involve an engineer.

* I can't remember the technical term

RIP Cont.

2008-08-14T14:00:00.001+01:00

You'll probably not want to read any more posts about yesterday's unfortunate squirrel so feel free to stop reading this entry now.

I returned home yesterday with not a little trepidation as I wondered where the body had ended up. As I saw it was in exactly the same place as it was in the morning I was pleased it wasn't in my garden.

You know how in cartoons when a character gets repeatedly run over and they end up flat as a pancake? Well, it happens in real life too.

The state of the squirrel this morning as I made my way to the station reminded me of something the Blackadder once said: "if we lose, my arm will end up in norfolk, my torso in essex and my genetalia stuck up a tree in Rutland".

Be careful where you tread.

RIP

2008-08-13T12:53:00.002+01:00

I opened my bedroom curtains this morning and something caught my attention. There was something in the middle of the road which I believed to be some sort of litter but it took a while for me to determine exactly what it was. Newspaper? No. Plastic container? No. Old rag? I don't think so. Then I realised: it was a squirrel*. Presumably it met its end at the mercy of a passing vehicle, although I like to think it was an eccentric who, feeling the cold hand of death upon itself, just wandered into the middle of the road to wait for the grim reaper.

Two things struck me about its body:

- It was lying on its back with its legs in the air.***

- It had a mesmerising tail. The draught caused by vehicles as they passed over its body caused the tail to flutter most elegantly and beautifully in the breeze.

No doubt the corpse will end up in my front garden along with everything else that nobody wants.

* not Carruthers, it was the anti-Carruthers**

** When holidaying on Safari in 2006, there was a couple from Winconsin (I think), the woman of which was under the impression that we imported our aggressive UK grey squirrel to North America where it took over and pushed out their more timid native red squirrel. Clearly there is a conspiracy. Both UK and US governments are teaching their children that they have been hard done by on the subject of squirrels in order to start a war for reasons that are beyond the scope of this footnote, this post and indeed this blog.

*** When at primary school we were read a story that involved creatures dying of shock (I don't remember much about the plot) and all the dead animals were drawn, amusingly, lying on their backs with their legs in the air.

A Wig!

2008-07-25T11:52:00.001+01:00

Bad things that have happened to me in the past week:

The man / garden incident
Calculus
Silly client

Good things that have happened to me in the past week:

New calculator
Indulging in terpsichorean activities in an unrefined manner* to The B-52's
Not having to give a presentation

Today's music in my head: "Strobe Light" by The B-52's

* I wanted to say "Wigging out" as it sounds amusing and appropriately contains the word "wig" but "Wigging out" means something else.

2008-07-24T11:26:00.000+01:00

I'm fed up with Thiele's differential equations.

Pop Quiz

2008-07-21T10:18:00.000+01:00

You're walking along the street in a residential area and you, for whatever reason, feel the need to cough up some phlegm. Do you:

a) cough it up into the gutter
b) cough it up into a hanky
c) hold on a bit longer until you get to the park at the end of the road and cough it up in a hedgerow
d) cough it up into someone's front garden

(If you choose option d), don't be surprised if the owner of the house strides up to you and demands to know what you were doing.)

Sinking Feeling

2008-07-18T16:24:00.001+01:00

It has been nearly a year and a half since Br#t#sh G#s excelled themselves at being useless. It still causes me great pain when I think about it, so much so that when my maintainance check became due I put the thought out of my head deciding that despite paying for it, I'd actually much rather not make any appointments with them.

Sadly, Br#t#sh G#s remembered (five months late but remembering at all deserves some credit) and now I have to go through the whole rigmarole of appointment making, taking time off work and so on seven times over.

Just thinking about it makes me want to smash up furniture.

But at least I can make my appointment over the internet this time. I don't have to worry about screaming blue murder at some poor woman just trying to do her job.

DHL

2008-07-07T16:59:00.001+01:00

On Friday, when I returned home from work, there was a card from DHL saying they had tried to deliver something. There were no clues to what it was all about as the card wasn't filled in properly, so much so that I think it's likely they got the wrong house.

So now I'm wondering what to do. Do I ask them to redeliver and take a day off work even though my other team member is on holiday and I'm here holding the fort? Or do I ask them to deliver to my work address and take the risk that it's something big and heavy* that I can't take home on the train?

* it's highly unlikely that it's something big and heavy as people tend not to send me big and heavy things (although people usually send me things through the post anyway) but since I'm not expecting to be sent anything, it's just as unlikely that it's something small and light

Giggly

2008-07-01T11:53:00.001+01:00

Yesterday evening as I was walking home from the station I remembered ice cream that was shaped like feet and I thought that it was a good job that they didn't taste like feet too.

Then I got the giggles. And not the normal giggles, either. The sort where your face goes into spasm and you start sobbing and your legs give way. Thankfully I managed to regain control of myself by the time I passed another person as I imagine collapsing from giggles in the street isn't a good thing to do. It would be very difficult to communicate that you're not in floods of tears because you've lost the use of your legs so please don't call an ambulance.

SHOES!

2008-06-26T14:54:00.001+01:00

I have taken it upon myself to learn how to wear shoes. This will not be a permanent departure from my boot wearing habit just a temporary adjustment for hot weather.

I have been doing my best to convince myself that my feet, while very hot in their boots, are cooler than other people's flip-flopped feet due to being out of direct sunlight but that doesn't remove the fact that wearing woolly socks in a heatwave is not ideal. Or the fact that people think I'm weird*.

And that's why I'm learning how to wear shoes.

Today's music in my head: "Ultraviolet" by The B52s

* a colleague I bumped into on a train during some recent hot weather and overhead line damage commented that she doesn't know how I do it

Confession

2008-06-17T21:27:00.001+01:00

On Saturday evening, I applied my lipstick… on the train! I'm letting you know because if I make myself broadcast my uncouth behaviour to the world I am less likely to carry it out in future.

I did also remove my lipstick on the train back home and although I like to think it cancelled out my misdemeanour I've probably only made it worse.

I hang my head in shame.

*hang*

2008-06-06T16:01:00.001+01:00

A few years ago, I was called up for jury service and sat in on three cases. The last one involved a rather interesting character. It emerged, over the course of the court case, that the defendant was an (ex?) heroin addict, he published tarot cards and books of spells, he had converted to Islam and his girlfriend was a prostitute that had been murdered (he shed a few tears when this came up).

It also emerged that it was easier for the lawyer to hand over to the judge a six page document containing the previous convictions (for armed robbery and such like) instead of reading them all out.

Yesterday, I received my quarterly copy of the LSE alumni magazine. In the section headed "Where are they now?" this man had an entry. I was almost expecting it to say "in prison again".

Things to do at Parties No. 2

2008-05-22T13:01:00.000+01:00

Try to control fellow party-goers by the use of telepathy.

Today's music in my head: "Destroy Everything You Touch" by Ladytron

Tea, Cake and Big Dresses

2008-04-29T16:04:00.001+01:00

Due to popular demand (i.e. one person who I believe to be popular), I bring to you my other blog which will be about what I sew.

I have called it "Tea, Cake and Big Dresses". My sewing projects are likely to be centred around big dresses. Big dresses are suitable attire in which to take afternoon tea and to eat cake. I may also blog about tea and cake. And small dresses.

I haven't posted anything yet although I have written something which is at home on my laptop. It will be posted when either I connect to the internet at home or find my memory stick and bring the post into work (there's only so much rummaging around for memory sticks one can do with sinus pain).

Of Blockages, Topology and Spiders

2008-04-25T16:09:00.002+01:00

It seems I spoke a little too soon. No sooner am I ready to take on the world again, the goo in my head takes over. So much so that the very painful earache and the oops-I've-gone-deaf unlocked my childhood memories of ear infections (I could almost taste the aspirin and jam (but not the medicine that allegedly tastes of banana - I think that may be one of those brain-blocked-out-the-trauma incidents)).

The doctor I saw was considerably more friendly than his brother and didn't make me feel like an idiot for going to see a doctor because my ear needs to pop. I like to think he understood that in situations like this, ear infections are easily caught and someone experiencing ear pain that keeps her awake all night and that ibuprofen can't combat is going to be a bit cautious.

Thanks to my sister, who is unexpectedly knowledgeable about ears, I can tell you that my Eustachian tube is blocked. I keep wanting to call it my Etruscan tube which makes me think of an Etruscan Venus. But then I couldn't remember what an Etruscan Venus is other than it's what you get when you do something to a Klein bottle.

So I tried Wikipedia and much to my amazement "Etruscan Venus" doesn't have an entry!* I thought Wikipedia could tell you anything!

And there was a spider on my lightbulb that made me laugh. As the bulb got hot he jumped down his string, waited for a bit, climbed back up, burnt his feet, jumped down his string, waited for a bit, climbed back up, burnt his feet, jumped onto the floor.

Erm… yes.

* I looked it up elsewhere and it's the three dimensional shadow of a Klein bottle.

Stop the World (for a bit)!

2008-04-23T12:33:00.000+01:00

Quite a bit has happened since last I wrote and much of it has been unpleasant.

Now the sun is having a go at shining (or at least it did yesterday) and for the first time in six days I actually feel fit and well (apart from the head that wants to explode and the cough and the phlegm and the headache).

You see, I went and caught the World's Worst Cold (this is different to the Worst Cold in the World which I caught last July). As did my Mum and my sister.

And because of this and the prior family business that needed attention I haven't been able to get done things that I needed to get done. Now, with my new lease of life, I can get on with my Spring cleaning and hair dying and nail cutting and clothes washing and dress sewing and exam studying and appointment making.

In addition to this I also have to learn how to use my inherited microwave oven and refurbish an inherited coal scuttle.

On a completely different note I have been thinking about setting up a new blog to tell the world about all the things I sew but I think I may be a little too shy for that.

Atchoo!

2008-04-04T11:19:00.001+01:00

As you have probably noticed I haven't posted anything in a while. In fact, I have missed out on March altogether so none of you know what I am doing (arguably, other than my complaints about work and my search for space age stockings, my posts don't really give much information about what I do anyway).

So these are some things I have been doing that don't involve work:

1) Sneezing
2) Thinking about how I'd like to learn to play the piano
3) Gaining a greater peace of mind
4) Filing my bills
5) Studying for CT5 (kind of work related but not in an I'm-too-busy or I-hate-brokers or they're-trying-to-sack-me-again type way)
6) Turning my mattress
7) Thinking about going to Bath

Regarding point 5), this week I have been learning how to derive the expected values and variances of life annuities and how to construct a life table (I would argue that I already have reasonable knowledge of these topics - my exam results, however, would argue otherwise).

Today's music in my head: "Cologne Cerrone Houdini" by Goldfrapp

Later

2008-02-21T13:50:00.002+01:00

Further to my post of 28th January in which I stated I would tell you more about it later, I am posting to tell you more about it.

I was told in the off the record meeting that my position would be safe - something about my having huge potential* although I dread to think what for. I was told this by someone who had very little say in the decision process so I wasn't totally convinced I would still have a job two weeks later. As things turned out, redundancy was given to one of the other two team members anyway.

Despite the reason for getting rid of one of us being that we don't get enough work to keep us all occupied, we've had so much work to do this past month that I've been getting pretty darn stressed. We're still mighty busy although things are beginning to ease off a bit and not a moment too soon. The chap who's leaving due to redundancy will be gone next week and the other chap remaining will be off on holiday so I and my huge potential* will be holding the fort all by ourselves for a whole five days.

Incidentally, I had my appraisal the other week and it turns out that getting cross when people don't want to give you money really impresses big cheeses.

*I like having huge potential. It's a way of impressing people without my actually having to do anything impressive.

2008-02-11T20:29:00.000+01:00

Work has been, to put it mildly, a bit hectic.

In fact, it still is.

Over the past week, this is what I would have liked to say to some of the people I am working with / for:

"You'll get it when I've done it."
"Poo to you with knobs on."
"Sod off."
"Arse!"

And this is what I have called some of my spreadsheets (or at least have attempted to call subject to what Windows will allow):

What?!
Mess
ArseUp

I know too much!

2008-01-28T17:04:00.000+01:00

Last week was a bit of a bummer. At work it has turned out that our team of three is WAY too big so one of the big cheeses has decided that we should be a team of two. Which isn't really a team - it's just two people. Now we're sitting around waiting for the decision to be made as to which two people are going to comprise the "team" and feeling a bit glum.

Anyway, I had an off-the-record conversation with a big cheese (although he's not as big a cheese as the big cheese who has been making decisions) and now I know things I'm not supposed to know!

This sort of information has left me feeling like a big fraud.

I will tell you more about it later.

Maybe in the Future

2008-01-14T12:10:00.000+01:00

I googled for "space age stockings" and am mildly disappointed that they don't exist.

Today's music in my head: "Let This Feeling" by Simone Angel

Resolution Musing

2008-01-03T14:07:00.001+01:00

It has occurred to me that idiot avoidance is going to be difficult.

Humourous

2008-01-03T14:06:00.000+01:00

What is a dry sense of humour as opposed to a moist one?

The Start to the Year

2008-01-02T14:23:00.000+01:00

Well, after my depressing start to the New Year things are starting to feel a little better and for no apparent reason.

After a few tears on New Year's Eve I spent much of yesterday trying to take my mind off depressing thoughts by distracting myself with Finding Neverland, some Strauss in Vienna, part 1 of Sense and Sensibility (yes, yet another Austen adaptation) and Bonnie and Clyde (I attempted to watch the news but the headlines told me it was all about people being killed).

Today I woke up to the thought of having to deliver yet another presentation, this time to our Marine department (which is a great department because they have models of boats), an overheated, stuffy train, over-run engineering works, severe delays, early termination of trains and overcrowded Central Lines.

By the time I arrived at work (A delay of 61 minutes! Hooray! This means I get full compensation instead of half which equates to an entire six pounds!) I was quite cheerful - presumably brought on by the realisation that the world is running as smoothly as normal.

My New Year's resolutions are in full swing. I have lots of them. Some of them are as follows:

1) take an iron tablet every day
2) idiot avoidance
3) don't dwell on depressing things
4) pretend not to be shy at least once a day

The others are general things-I-want-to-do-that-I-will-do-this-year rather than things-I-need-to-keep-doing-or-not-doing.

And what's more I got a (slightly late) Christmas card that has penguins in an aeroplane on it!

New Year

2007-12-31T22:58:00.000+01:00

And so we finally stop dating things with 2007 and start using 2008 instead. Judging how well the past two years have gone, I’m not looking forward to it. 2006 seemed a bit of struggle. Thinking the next year shouldn’t get much worse, 2007 proved me wrong.

I am currently sitting at home, counting down the hours waiting for my life to spiral out of control (or something).

And just now I realised that 2008 will bound along into my life, wreaking havoc and bringing with it an extra day.

Joy.

Happy New Year, by the way!

Christmas Party Number Six

2007-12-20T15:46:00.000+01:00

Is one to which I wasn't invited but went along anyway.

Yes, it's our company's children's Christmas party! Again, they had the mini-zoo where I held a tarantula and a boa constrictor (although not at the same time) and peered at a chinchilla and a chameleon.

Downstairs they have face painting and hoopla and dancing and bubbles and a chocolate fountain and Father Christmas and wobbly mirrors.

Oh, the excitement!

Alcohol induced words of wisdom that have been imparted to me at Christmas parties

2007-12-20T15:07:00.000+01:00

"You're six foot one*, attractive, slim, intelligent and well educated. You can do whatever you want in life."

"Men are such b@st@rds."

"I like cheese."**
"I like cheese."**

"If you're unsuccessful you only have yourself to blame."

* I was wearing heels at the time
** said by two different people at two different parties in respect of two different Christmasses during two similar discussions concerning deserts

I love my kettle

2007-12-20T14:59:00.000+01:00

It is small but perfectly formed and has seen me through my formative years (from age 19 to now).

It still works like a dream, however, the plastic is corroding quite a bit and that's probably not doing my cups of tea or myself a great deal of good.

Last weekend, while putting the finishing touches to my Christmas shopping I went into Debenhams to buy a kettle. I looked at the vast array on display and I didn't like any of them; the reason being that none of the kettles were MY kettle. None of them were the one sitting in my kitchen at home. I didn't know if any of these would have an on/off switch that wouldn't be temperamental. I didn't know if any of these would still be going strong after twelve years of use. And they were all so HUGE.

After a lot of frowning and pouting and scowling at the coffee-makers (I needed to face away from the kettles for a moment) I settled on one that looked basic enough not to conk out after five minutes and I bought it.

To prove to my old kettle that I still love it, I descaled him (I've begun assigning genders to inanimate objects to which I feel a close attachment) and he will find a new home in my cupboard.

As for the new kettle, I think I will grow to love it. After all, it glows and makes my water look radioactive.

Somebody's stolen our table

2007-12-17T17:02:00.001+01:00

Which does make it less crowded but the table was useful for putting doughnuts on (and having important discussions about insurance matters around).

Christmas Party Number Five

2007-12-17T17:01:00.000+01:00

Is one that involves tea and cake… and is another to which I am unable to go. I am consoling myself by thinking it will probably be Earl Grey and Christmas cake.

Christmas Party Number Four

2007-12-17T16:59:00.000+01:00

Is one to which I am unable to go.

Christmas Party Number Three

2007-12-14T16:58:00.001+01:00

What started off as a Christmas party ended up as a few drinks, nachos and potato wedges for those of us who could make it.

Christmas Party Number Two

2007-12-14T16:57:00.000+01:00

1) There is more than one bar/restaurant called Auberge.

2) If wearing purple lipstick with pale skin and black hair makes you look a bit scary, this isn't a problem if you're going to a party at the London Dungeon.

3) Having a party at the London Dungeon is pretty good as you get to go on the Traitor's Gate ride and get lost in the labyrinth. The dancefloor, however, is a little tiny as the dungeons are made up mainly of passages rather than wide areas.

New Career

2007-12-10T10:58:00.000+01:00

There's this really brilliant photographer. She's so good that if her camera battery runs out she can take a picture using one of those disposable cameras and it can still be considered worthy for publication in an online guidebook to New York.

Look here.

You can see her picture in the top right hand corner.

Christmas Party Number One

2007-12-05T16:05:00.000+01:00

1) Company parties are full of people who think one can only have a good time if one has a drink in ones hand.

2) I made my own dress. It wasn't perfect but it still turned out well despite the fact that it isn't hemmed properly (I haven't stitched down the lining properly either but that would have only been a problem if I had stripped off because what's the point of stripping if everyone is going to be distracted by my shoddy lining?). One of my colleagues was so impressed with my handiwork she said that if she were to get married she would ask me to make her wedding dress.

3) The venue was really nice but really really really really hot. Nevertheless I managed to keep my clothes on (see point2)).

4) I am really really really really tired.

5) Shyness is not something I can switch off at will. Saying "Don't be shy with me" is like saying "Don't be tall with me". If, however, you wish to call me a "beautiful English woman" in the same sentence I will forgive you your mistake.

6) Duck is a lot nicer if you don't have to chew it for an eternity before you can swallow it.

Lunch

2007-11-30T17:20:00.000+01:00

It turns out that having a double vodka with lunch is hardcore.

The power of the e-mail

2007-11-22T14:04:00.000+01:00

You may be aware that there have been changes within my department at work over the past year or two.

I have never before had to worry about meeting the budget as there has always been someone more senior than me who has had that responsibility. Now that I have to worry about it, I have learnt something:

When you carry out work for people, they will tell you anything to get out of paying for it.

My time in my previous job taught me to keep records of all correspondence and this is proving to be very important. Hence I can retaliate like so:

Complaint 1: I didn't know there was going to be a fee.
Me: Here's a copy of the e-mail I sent to you before I started the work explaining how much the fee would be.

Complaint 2: The client doesn't pay for the work and we can't afford for it to come out of our budget.
Me: Here's a copy of the e-mail I sent to the client last year explaining the fee to them so they could budget for it. If you look under the "Cc:" bit you will see your name.

Complaint 3: We can't pay you now for the work you've just finished because we've already paid for it.
Me: While it is true that you have only recently paid for our work, you actually paid for last year's work eight months late. Here is a copy of an e-mail which details the transaction.

Complaint 4: That fee estimate is too high. We only paid X amount last year and that was for the same work plus another project.
Me: You actually paid Y amount more than that last year and we only carried out the one project. Here's a copy of an e-mail from last year confirming how much was paid along with a breakdown of the fee.

Complaint 5: We can go externally and get the same work done for a fraction of your cost.
Me: That's not the same work. You will get it for a fraction of our cost because it is a fraction of our work.*

I am doing my best to resist the temptation to conclude my responses with "Stick that in your pipe and smoke it".

* this doesn't involve e-mail evidence but I thought I'd include it because it's yet another attempt to underpay us and it's beginning to get on my nerves.

Cheesy Keys

2007-11-12T18:25:00.000+01:00

Earlier this year, maybe just a month or so ago, I discovered my radiators needed bleeding.

Sadly, manufacturers of radiator keys make radiator keys out of cheese and I managed to get through two keys (the cheese makes them rather crumbly) but only bled one radiator.

Now the weather has turned rather cold this particular radiator has decided to get another air lock. Sadly, the cheese keys are in bits so I wandered over to Robert Dyas to buy more cheese. I was actually hoping to find a different type of key made from some sort of sturdy, durable metal but I could find neither variety.

I bought some Red Leicester at the weekend. I will have to have a go at whittling myself a new key from it.

"Friend"s

2007-11-08T13:20:00.000+01:00

It's funny, isn't it? The types of "friend"s you get on Facebook.

1) Real life friends.
2) Real life acquaintances.
3) People who "friend" you because you are "friend"ed to their "friend"s and you think you probably met them at parties once so you confirm their "friend"ship as you don't want to offend them by having forgotten. Later, after much consideration, you realise you never actually met them before but don't want to terminate your "friend"ship in case one day you meet them at parties.
4) People who "friend" you because you were at the same university as them at the same time and although you don't remember them think that it's quite possible you knew them and have forgotten as it was 10 years ago (this is a similar category as number 3) but without the danger of meeting them at future parties).
5) People who you used to be real life friends with but for whatever reason* they decided they didn't want to speak to you anymore. Until now.

Categories 1) and 2) are the obvious "you are a friend or an acquaintance and this is one of many ways in which I can keep in touch with you".

Categories 3) and 4) are arguably one of the points of Facebook, it being a "social networking site".

But category 5)? Are they suddenly, with the thought of renewing old acquaintances looking at the past through memory's rose tinted glass? Or filled with remorse and regret for ignoring your letters and e-mails and Christmas cards? Or are they trying to get as many "friend"s as possible in the hope of seeming very popular?

* such as them falling out with a mutual friend or you refusing their... erm... advances

Party Plans

2007-10-31T13:26:00.000+01:00

It's that time of year again. No, I'm not referring to my yearly haircut - although it IS that time of year, I told you about that last week. This time I am referring to the yearly event of my birthday.

It's the time of year that I think about how nice it would be to get all my friends together in celebration and have a jolly good time. It's the time of year when I spend hours deliberating over what to do and the pros and cons of each option. It's the time of year when I worry about who to invite, whether restaurants have tables big enough, whether there is a bar in London on a Saturday night that isn't too loud or too crowded, whether my friends will get along with each other and whether anyone will feel bored or feel left out or not turn up.

Last year, as a result of all this pondering, you may recall I decided to forget the whole thing and biff off to the other side of the world for a bit. I followed this with 'oh dear, now it's Christmas' and 'oh dear, now it's too late'.

The biffing off isn't going to work this year, however, as it's a little late to arrange anything and the fact that my birthday actually falls on a Saturday is telling me I should grasp the opportunity to arrange something. I very nearly decided to hold a party at my place but woke up the next morning remembering how stressful that would be and I was probably just feeling a little depressed last night.

So there we go. Now I'm left considering my options which will probably end in the disappointing not-doing-anything-because-I-can't-decide-what-to-do-and-it's-all-too-stressful.

Strong feelings about items of clothing

2007-10-29T12:39:00.000+01:00

I hate my new suit jacket. I really, really hate it. I’m wearing it to work for the first time today and I hate it. I have to wear it otherwise I will be cold but I hate it. I don’t think I have ever hated any piece of my clothing as much as I hate this jacket. The fact that it has a very pretty lining does not do enough to counteract my hatred. It makes me want to cry.

Hair

2007-10-22T12:53:00.000+01:00

I made my annual trip to the hairdresser's this weekend.

I had an inch or two taken off the bottom and my hair has turned from a dry, frizzy mess into a sleek, smooth, soft… tidy. There must be a knack to it which only my hairdresser possesses. I expect by the end of the week my bonce will have returned to hosting a dry frizzy mess.

Sunday

2007-10-16T12:49:00.001+01:00

We went home.

Saturday

2007-10-16T12:44:00.000+01:00

This was our final day of painting. We went to a little hermitage on a mountainside and after scrambling over hilly forestry and prodding at millipedes we settled down and began to paint. It rained a bit. It’s not easy painting with watercolours in the rain. Eventually it tanked it down and we all packed up and left and headed back to the town hall.

We ate an ENORMOUS quantity of food but instead of getting back to painting we (me, my companion, the vet and the support member of staff) sat around a café and were joined by the two old locals who had the dogs. We were joined also by another one of our group and another local who bought the ladies among us thimbles. He also signed copies of some sheet music (something to do with an event in the town which was taking place later) for us. I have no idea who he was other than the owner of the mules. My Spanish is terrible and my Catalan is even worse.

Then, back at the hotel we had an exhibition of all our work and then we ate an ENORMOUS quantity of food and went to bed.

Friday

2007-10-16T12:43:00.000+01:00

Today it rained a little so we spent the morning in the town hall doing various painting / drawing exercises. I drew a statue of a lion. What’s more, I drew it upside down.

We arrived at our destination for the day’s painting (a lovely little village on a mountainside that I can’t remember the name of) in time for lunch and we proceeded to eat an ENORMOUS quantity of food. Then we set about finding somewhere to sit and paint or draw and I tried to draw some rocks. I did quite badly and started to get rained on. I sat under some foliage and tried to draw something else but did quite badly again and gave up. Our guru regaled me, my companion and the vet with tales of his producing wildlife documentaries for the BBC.

I can’t remember what our evening tutorial was about but after it we ate an ENORMOUS quantity of food.

Thursday

2007-10-16T12:41:00.000+01:00

Thursday was our day off. The plan was to spend the day in the town square doing a bit of painting, drinking a bit of coffee and generally taking it easy after what was becoming quite a tiring holiday. Instead, my companion and I spent the morning discussing various topics.

At lunchtime we went out to a café in the town square and I, personally, didn’t eat an ENORMOUS quantity of food due to the fact that having eaten an ENORMOUS quantity of food over the past few days, my body had switched off my appetite (the vet told me the name of the hormone that does this when you eat way more than you’re used to but I can’t remember it other than that it begins with “L”).

The afternoon was spent with my companion, the member of support staff, the vet and two local old chaps who, when understanding the vet was a vet wanted her to see their dogs. So we went for a walk and saw some dogs, eating blackberries on the way and patting some mules.