Vulgarity

Lunch at a Tapas restaurant.

After-dinner coffee.

Me, a male colleague and a female colleague.

Male Colleague: "I'm going to be vulgar for a moment."
Me: "Are you going to drink out of your saucer?"
Male Colleague: "No, I'm going to talk about sex."
Me: "OK then."

You had to be there.

Jet-lag and Alcohol

I'm OK as long as I don't turn my head too qucikly.

Wheeeee! Thud.

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.................. .

Sunday

I wanted to walk across Brooklyn Bridge before I went home (I was originally planning to do this en route to the Mermaid Parade yesterday) so I headed straight there after breakfast. Halfway across, the heavens opened and it chucked it down with rain.

I got wet.

There is nowhere to shelter on Brooklyn Bridge.

I was soaked right through.

It was fantastic.

The tops of the Manhattan skyscrapers were shrouded with cloud. (Coo!)

I was drenched and singing*.

Walking back over, the rain eased off and I later went to see some of the Gay Pride March down 5th Avenue. I love how policemen ALWAYS get teased by drag queens at these things!

Back to my hotel to pick up my luggage and then I commenced the 13 ½ hour journey back to my house.

* don’t worry, there weren’t many people around and my much of my wailing was drowned out by the traffic anyway

Saturday

Rather amusingly they were handing out free bags in Union Square containing bits and bobs* advertising London as a place to visit. It tanked it down with rain all day.

My plan was to go and see The Mermaid Parade in Coney Island which I would have done if either:
a) it wasn’t raining or
b) it wasn’t so far away
Instead I opted for some indoor entertainment in the form of the Met. It’s really big (Coo!). There wasn’t anything in particular I wanted to see there so I just had a bit of a wander ‘round. Then I walked down the road to Bloomingdale’s and had a bit of a rummage.

The buskers / dancers at 14th Street Union Square station were good fun to watch.

* a Frisbee a drink bottle thing and some leaflets

Friday

Today was fairly uneventful. I had a wander around Chinatown, Soho and Greenwich absorbing the scenery. Today was the first day of rain – there were two or three showers.

Thursday

I decided to slow the pace down a little as I was getting myself totally pooped.

The previous week I took a colleague’s advice and booked my trip to the Statue of Liberty in advance. It was a good idea to do this as I wouldn’t have been able to get inside the monument otherwise. My time slot was 1:45pm so I made my way across New York Harbour (with many school children) that morning. They’re very thorough with the security. You go through scanners and metal detectors before boarding the ferry and then again before you enter the monument. They even have a machine that blows air at you.

It was a very overcast morning but perked up as the day wore on. I discovered Liberty Island, while full of tourists, still manages to be a peaceful respite from the rest of Manhattan.

I looked up the statue’s skirt! And up her nose! (Coo!)

After I got back to Manhattan I decided to take a look around Lower Manhattan – I explored Battery Park and saw a big hole where the World Trade Center used to be.

Wednesday

Felt groovy, dappled and drowsy this morning so I moseyed along* to take a look at the 59th Street Bridge. I had no deeds to do or promises to keep so I said “Hello” to a lamppost and watched its flowers growing. (Fa la la la la la la!)

I headed to Central Park and followed the Lonely Planet’s suggested walking tour. It was hot and my feet hurt. (Ow!) I saw plenty of American robins (Coo!). Went to a café where I discovered what a popover is**.

I strolled over to the Riverbank State Park. It was SO peaceful just sitting there overlooking the Hudson River away from the hustle and bustle of the city.

Was really tired again but determined not to miss the Empire State Building this evening. I thought it would be good to try to be up there for sunset because:
a) it might look nice as it was a clear day
b) it was midsummer night and rather fitting
c) I would get windy rooftop views of Manhattan in daylight and at night in just one visit
It was a success. I timed it just right. Yay!
(Ooh! Aah! Coo! Ow!)

* I would have kicked down the cobbled stones but I couldn’t seem to find any.
** For those of you who don’t know, it’s like a big Yorkshire pudding.

Tuesday

Today I went to see the UN. We got to see three of the four chambers on the tour (there was a meeting being held in one of them about East Timor). (Coo!)

I went back to the library since it was now open and had a peek inside – it was incredibly ornate. (Ooh!)

I had a look around St Patrick’s Cathedral before heading back to my hotel to freshen up for an evening at the top of the Empire State Building. I freshened up but fell asleep instead of seeing windy rooftop views.

Monday

Commencing with an orange juice and bun at The City Bakery my day panned out thus (and involved a lot of gazing):

- Getting lost
- Going to Times Square (Ooh!) (Here a strange old man decided to make conversation with me. I don’t think either of us understood what the other was saying as we ended up having a conversation which made no sense.)
- Drinking lemonade in Bryant Park (Aah!)
- Gazing at the library (but not going in because it was shut) (Coo!)
- Gazing at the Chrysler Building (Coo!)
- Gazing at Grand Central Terminal (Ooh!)
- Gazing at the Rockefeller Center (Aah!)
- Watching Hitchcock’s “The Birds” at the free open air film showings in Bryant Park (it was mightily crowded and I got cramp in my leg) (Ow!)

Sunday

I saw from out of my window, way over to the left, as I flew into JFK, over in the distance, swathed in mist and fogginess, the skyscrapers of Manhattan. I was so excited! This was like, real life America. I could see people driving their yellow taxis on the right! (Ooh!)

One of my first impressions of New York was that it was very much like England on account of my having to wait AGES for a train from the airport to Manhattan. I was rather surprised at the difference in temperature between the weather at these two places – I went from “this is quite pleasant” at Howard Beach to “urgh – I can’t breathe” at 3rd Avenue. I discovered, much to my relief, that what I first thought was a heater in my room was in fact a cooler (Aah!).

It was getting late by now and my body clock was telling me it was 3am so I went to bed.

Holiday Plan No. 3

My expedition has been and gone. If you want the short story of my trip:

Ooh!
Aah!
Coo!
Ow!

The longer story of my trip to New York follows.

It's Official

I can communicate.

I've passed an exam to prove it.

I wasn’t expecting this

I quite like Lacuna Coil. I wander over to their website every now and then because I know they’re going on tour in October and I’m waiting for the UK venues to be confirmed.

They’re also performing at the Metal Hammer Golden Gods Awards on Monday. The website held a competition to win two tickets to this awards ceremony courtesy of Century Media and all you had to do was send an e-mail with the correct answer to a really easy question. Then 'x' number of correct entries were to be drawn at random and these people would get tickets.

So, after completely forgetting about the whole thing, I am now the proud owner of a ticket to this prestigious event, as is my sister.

So there you have it.

After winning a blackcurrant plant, passing my driving test and winning these two tickets I decided to buy a lottery ticket. My luck had run out by then, though, so there’ll be no expensive slap up meals for you provided by my good self. Sorry.

Today’s music in my head: “To The Edge” by Lacuna Coil

Unlock your motorists

Chelmsford has been certified a safe place to use roundabouts - this is the story of my driving test.

I wish I wasn’t such a nervous person. As you can imagine, taking my driving test made me nervous. When I get nervous, I get clumsy and I make mistakes. Needless to say my driving test wasn’t pleasant.

So, try to picture the scene: I’m bounding around Chelmsford in a silver Vauxhall Corsa, I’m not ploughing into pedestrians on Zebra crossings, I’m changing lanes without cutting people up, I’m keeping within the speed limit, I’m even dealing with the “What do you do for a living?” question without mentioning the word “actuary”…

…I’m stalling (twice), I’m trying to move off in neutral, I’m scraping the kerb with the wheel. My instructor told me that my bay park back at the test centre was the worst bay park I’d ever done.

Things just seemed to keep going wrong left, right and centre. Half of the way through I was convinced I’d failed: one of these things must have been bad enough to be a serious fault.

I was a little surprised when the examiner told me I’d passed and I was joyful for as much as five seconds. Then came the debrief when he listed all my hundreds of minor faults and gave me a telling off. That kind of took the edge off my glee. I started to wonder if when he said “passed” he actually meant to say “failed”, he seemed so cross with me!

Then he gave me a magazine for new drivers which has articles about insurance (which costs a lot because you’re a new driver and more likely than anyone else to be involved in a horrific road accident), safety features of cars (because you’re a new driver and more likely than anyone else to be involved in a horrific road accident) and what happens in a horrific road accident (because you’re a new driver and more likely than anyone else to be involved in one).

Cheering reading.