Mr. Chunky

For those of you who have been wondering about the exploits of Mr. Chunky, I can give you an update: he has been wandering about my garden cleverly disguised as a huge frog.

Me and my bit

At the lovely company for which I work we are given a day a year in which we can go off, on full pay, and do some charity work.

So, in an attempt to do my bit, I have joined up with some bods from my old department who are getting together as part of “the year of the volunteer” to do a project which involves refurbishing two primary school playgrounds. Painting of walls, planting of flower beds, and cleaning of things.

Date of project: 17th June 2005.

I will post details of the event in due course.

Learning to drive: Lessons Two and Three

After a recap and this time taking notes, I progressed onto changing gear from first to second.

I had a few goes.

I was rubbish.

Even the simulator told me so (although it was phrased a bit differently). The simulator kindly let me have a practice by myself while it didn’t look or criticise me. I did everything perfectly.

I went back to the exercise and was rubbish again.

Then I realised that the gear stick icon was prompting me to put my hand on the gear stick and not prompting me to change gear thus throwing me into confusion and my car into a tree when I change gear then put the clutch down and then not know what’s meant to come next.

Note to self: if you’ve got the order of the steps clear in your head, ignore the icons.

Then I got full marks.

On to steering then.

I had to do figures of eight around two posts:

“You’re too far to the right – try again.”
“You’re too far to the right – try again.”
“You’ve hit a post – try again.”
“You’re too far to the left – you’re rubbish.”

Only this time I really was rubbish.

I’m at that point where it all seems pointless but I know it will improve. So many people know how to drive – surely I can’t be worse than ALL of them.

Learning to drive: Lesson One

Saturday saw me getting into the simulator and pretending to drive a car. This was fun. Yay!

First there was a video thing that explained about the simulator and the course. It’s good because, although you can’t go on to the advanced exercises without having completed the earlier ones, you can always go back to the earlier ones at a later date if you feel you need more practice.

The first step was learning what the controls did and how to use them.
Then I got several goes at starting the car.
Then I got several goes at stopping the car.
Then I got several goes at trying to stop the car at a specific point.
Then I got several goes at starting the car and then stopping it.

Things I am good at:
- turning the ignition on
- turning the ignition off
- using the clutch

Things I am not good at:
- remembering to do stuff with the gear stick
- braking gently
- stopping the car in the right place
- remembering in what order to do stuff
- keeping my feet still whilst trying to get the handbrake to do what I want it to

I need lots more practice. But next time, I’m going to take some paper and a pen so that I can take notes because I can’t remember how to do much now.

Today's music in my head: "Pr0no Graphique" by Mylene Farmer

I’ve just remembered! It’s my half birthday today!

This assumes each month has an equal number of days so, strictly speaking, my half birthday isn’t until tomorrow afternoon what with February and all that.

I used to have a friend who celebrated his half birthday.

When I say “celebrated” I mean that he went around telling people that it’s his half birthday and people would respond with “Happy Half Birthday!”

I mean, it wasn’t like we gave him presents or went to parties or anything.

This must be very dull for you readers.

Normally I’d apologise for that but today I thought I’d do something different and not apologise at all.

Today's music in my head: "Una Paloma Blanca" by whoever sang it.

Unlock your motorists

Thank you to the two of you who have offered to teach me to drive. One of you doesn’t know how to drive and neither of you have a car but the fact that you both would be willing to teach me, a complete novice, about what the third pedal does makes me feel a bit chuffed.

With this in mind and remembering how clumsy I get when I’m nervous I have booked myself lessons with the BSM in a simulator. This has the advantage that I can crash into other vehicles without making anyone angry. Except maybe the instructor if I start doing it on purpose.

I have also obtained a book about what you need to know for the theory test. I was surprised that there wasn’t a section on how to really annoy pedestrians but it turns out that it’s a skill I pick up as I go along.

I took part in my company quiz night last night. I was an indispensable team member as I was the only one able to answer the question about tea.

My old department also had a team and we thrashed them!

We’re going through to the finals.

Did you know that B*Witched were the first group to have their first four consecutive singles to go straight in at number one?

Me neither.

Lock up your motorists

The DVLA were quick off the mark. I have been sent my driving licence.

So, which one of you lovely people would like to teach me to drive?

All Change

I had the opportunity to visit my old sixth form college at the weekend. Even if you ignore the fitness centre that has sprung up next to it and towers menacingly over the pavilion it has changed quite a bit in ten years.

Good changes:

The whole place has become wheelchair friendly.

The demountables have gone.

The cowsheds are no longer used for teaching economics. They have been fenced off and turned into the Estates and Services Office.

Bad changes:

They have gotten rid of the nice old great wooden doors of the main entrance and built an extension with shiny modern doors.

The huge wooden benches and tables of the dining hall have been removed and in their place are modern flimsy looking tables with plastic chairs.

Changes that I can’t decide whether they’re bad or good:

They have named the library after someone called George.

There’s a shiny new building which I’m sure is built where an old building stood but I can’t remember what it was.

No changes:

My tree was still there and I gave it another hug.

Today’s music in my head: The Benny Hill theme tune